Sonia's poems

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My poems :

Ruins Of Roses:

Here I stand, In the middle
Of the ruins of roses
Everything beautiful,
Is dead and gone
Every memory, faded
Life and death and separated 
By a very fine line
The same line 
That divides me
Somewhere in my mind
If you aren't here 
I'm a ghost, I walk all alone.
No one will see,The tears I cry.
They are hidden 
By the pain in my eyes
All i posses,Is one last breath
As I stand, In the ruins of roses.

When emptiness makes you feel content
And imprisonment makes you feel free
There's nothing left for you to see
You're the epitome of misery
The perfect picture of immorality
You crawl into your invisible hole
And pretend not to be seen
If no one can see you
No one can hurt you
This twisted logic is all you know
And your dreams are your home
You picture an alternate world
Where everyone's false but you're real
This is what you base your life on
Pretending society is wrong
No one understands you
And that satisfies you
You say you're suffering 
But I see you're enjoying 
Being given up on
If you wanted change 
You would've changed your ways by now
But your depressing dimension 
Is where you're safe and sound 

Why can't I get you out of my head
There are so many things I want instead
Of having you pick fights with me
Instead of wanting you to stay with me.
You've made it clear that you want me
Only when you think you need me
And you take me for granted.
How can I blame you for what you do
What I'm the one who lets you.
I never rebel against how I feel about you
Even though I can't label this as true.
You've made it clear that you hate this life
And you'd give it all up in a heartbeat
Just for something better than this defeat.
Can't you see yourself through my eyes
I see you for what you are 
As opposed to what you pretend to be.
Why do you act so pretensions 
Like you need everyone to need you
There isn't a thing I wouldn't do  
To show you love is true
But I can't change what you prefer
Don't come back with another tear.  

I try so hard to hold on, To what isn't mine
I try so hard to see, What I can't find.
My telescope is now a kaleidoscope
Nothing seems to look right.
Everything's twisted and loves wasted
On the people who hate it.
We waste our time so well
So we can convince ourselves we're productive 
We waste our lives in this hell
And say it isn't our objective.
We hold lanterns which lack light
And everything around us is too bright
For us to ever tell the difference 
Between aggression and passion.   
Theres suffering in our smiles
And hypocrisy in our veins 
Theres blood in our bright eyes
Trying to hide the pain
There's nothing left, we dream in vain.

I've never believed in shooting stars
But here I am, wishing on one,
With a million "what ifs" in my head
And more insecurities in my bed.
I only wish you were here
Then I'd be able to smile all year
I wouldn't shed a single tear.
If you were with me
There's nothing I couldn't be
My heart would be free.
If I could here your voice
Loving you wouldn't be a choice
It'd be something that comes naturally 
Like the way my heart beats
With every word you say.
Hoping you too can see the day
That we'll be together 
And for once, I'd see forever 
As more than just a word
I've never even heard.
We'd be the end of our misery
And we'd fight reality
Like it's our enemy.
Because this world
Belongs to you and me.
 

You've always made me feel empty
You never let me feel free
You told me I'd never be
Anything but crazy
I can't look at you the way I did
I can't see you as a friend 
Instead I see you, as my best enemy
The worst thing that happened to me
The thing that broke me
And caged me 
But here, on my knees, 
I must thank you greatly
For all the suffering, the misery
It's made me stronger, 
It's turned me into a cynic 
A critic, a peaceful maniac 
You've given me the strength 
To look into your eyes
And smile as I patiently die.
But I won't take it anymore
I'm going to spread my broken wings
The scars will mean everything 
As my soul takes flight
And you'll be lost in the night.

How can a heart like a diamond 
Shatter like glass
How can a smile like a rose
Sting like a thorn 
How can a feeling, so amazing
Possibly be wrong?
Why is a simple decision 
The only thing standing 
Between you and me 
And all that makes us happy.
Why is my own confusion 
Turing into your hearts delusion 
I never want these feelings to fade
I can't ever get you out of my head.
Yet here we are, on the edge
This close to falling 
But so far from taking 
A probable mistake worth making.
We're walking hand in hand
On the edge of the storm
And even though it's crazy
It doesn't even feel wrong.
I'll look to you for safety
But I can't help but drown.
This is beautifully dangerous 
But we're too far to turn around. 

Are you being destroyed inside
By the demons dancing in your head 
I want to be part of their parade
Because right now, I'd do
Anything to hurt you.
You deserve the pain, the suffering 
You deserve to have nothing.
You won't be forgiven for all
The sins you committed 
I'll make you fall, lose it all
Because that's what you did to me
And now it's your turn to face reality
To fall to your knees, to cry
It's your turn to want to die.
Because I've played my part
And you broke my heart
Now it's my turn to do it to you
It's my turn to return the favour
Because the pain made me stronger
It's time for you to be 'the stranger'

You never stop talking
And your voice is so haunting 
It makes me want to die
You always make me cry
I'll never be good enough 
You'll always call my bluff 
It's like you like to see me
Buried in all this misery
Yet you say you love me
You lie through your teeth
Your intentions are good
But your actions are contrary
I can't stand this life of agony
Won't you please let me be
Or is this your pleasure 
The way you find your closure 
The doors of my heart 
Are now closed forever  
I can't find the strength 
To smile at you anymore.

Life is made of disappointments 
So never expect the best
Because reality will fail the test
Never expect to smile all day
Because it doesn't work that way
But your tears will always be here
Every day, night, or year
The misery is a friend 
It never seems to leave
When happiness knocks 
It makes sure sadness is retrieved 
There is no consistency 
Just emotional animosity 
Just the continual memory
That feeling of no regularity
The sun sets just as it rises
The darkness takes the light away
Just as you learn to smile
That knowledge is taken away
Pretend not to care, and 
Let pessimism cease the day 

Those three words sound so easy
So convincing, that they lack meaning
I won't ever say those words
Just because it's something I've heard
I want it to mean so much 
I want it to take a while
Until I can settle into my decision 
And I want to make you smile
I want you to know
That what I feel is real 
But mistakes, once made,
Take forever to heal
Everything isn't a mistake 
But everything isn't perfect
I want to hold on a little longer 
Make these feelings even stronger 

I'm not ready to forgive 
And I can't forget this
No matter what you say
I know how you feel 
Nothing about this is real
You live on your lies
And it's my drug
It's so hard to give up
On what you mustn't need
All I need is to leave
To disappear from this place
And never see your face
Because you're everything
I simply can't replace
And that's what I need to erase
I need to forget
You need to forgive me
For being myself 

I paid a huge price to be myself
And now I'm in debt
My favourite song can't console me
As I sit here and scream your name
I lit a match to see the flame
And now it's burnt me
I used to be self assured
Now that quality's disowned me
I drown in my tears
As I make a list of my fears
With your name at the top
I can feel myself die as we talk
I smile at you only to
Disguise how I hate you
I've walked this line so many time
And all of them, without you
So it's obvious I don't need you
But why does it feel like I do
I rather die than see you
Pretend not to care about me
I'd rather lose you 
Than forget who I used to be

This emptiness won't let me be
Although I've chosen this misery.
"love is the most believable myth"
Is what I've chosen to believe
But won't you show me a life beyond this,
Something new to believe in
A new dream on the horizon.
Nothing can compare to you and me,
I don't want to hide to save my pride
But those three words haunt my mind.
I feel myself wasting our lives, 
As I wait for the right time.
You know you're all I ever need
And I need you to pay some heed,
To the way I die without you
Because you can make my dreams come true.
Won't you teach me how to love
Before I give everything up?
I'm on the verge of letting go
Hoping I'll fall into your arms

The emptiness is the only thing
That means anything to me
The pain has turned into a profession
And it's killing me
I've lost my sense of mortality
And given up on reality 
And theres nothing left for me
And there's nothing to believe 
There's no where to hide 
And there's no sense of pride
I've left everything that was mine
In a time and place I can't find
Ive taught my self to let it go
And to let no feelings show
But that's made me feel so cold
I've got nothing to hold
Maybe this is how it's meant to be
One of the things that's hard to see.

I forgot what it's like when my heart skips a beat
I forgot how it is to fall at someone's feet
I've even forgotten how to breath
I've learnt that I can't live without you
You can heal the scars on my heart
You can make life's hope restart 
You can show me nothing is as bad as it seems
You can teach me to never give up on dreams
Because that's what I've been doing lately
I've been giving up, I've been getting stuck
Hope has disappeared and diminished 
And my life begins to feel finished 
The hardest memories to erase 
Are the ones you could never replace 
I can't forget the one love that was true
The love between me and you
But it feels so long ago
Forgotten in the haze of a life I now know
Can you help me remember 
A life that was so much better?

Do you know that feeling
When you give up on everything 
You live because you're alive
Yet you don't want to die
You rest your head, dreaming
And wake up, screaming 
Hope that a new day
Could be like a suns ray
And take the pain away
But how long can you live in hope
Survive on these unfulfilled dreams
Pretend you cant hear yourself scream
How long can you smile outside
While you lose the truth inside
Is it because you have no where to hide
No one to trust, no one to hold,
Your souls been sold
And you can't have it back
Until your reality is on track.

Do the hands of the clock mock you
Does your fate just provoke you
To do things you rather not do
Does the course of your life
Make you wish you could die
But you've never been they lucky
And you're certain you won't be
Does your future look bleak
But does it suit yoke soul, so meek
You're only a shadow
Of your twisted heart, so hollow
You like having no place to go
Or no emotions at all, to show 
You like how you've died inside
Blaming it on everything outside
You say this misery inspires you
While everyone knows what's true
All you do, all you've done, Is hide
Hide from the hope you can't find.

Why can't the war just end
Because everything seems futile
No one has the strength to smile
The oppressors have taken over
But we'll rise before 
We even consider surrender 
We'll write our names in blood
In everything that's ours
In wait for the midnight hour
When the results of struggle,
We will finally devour 
We will stand tall against them all
Show them we won't fall
But even if we do
We have, in our hearts, the truth
Everything we worked for
The endless revolts 
In the summer sun, or rain
The tragedy and the pain
Will prove to be rewardful
Hope will not be refrained.

The strength turns into fear
When I know you aren't here 
And everything I depend on
Is suddenly unpredictably gone
How can the worst things,
Happen so suddenly 
And it takes the very best
Away from you and me
Is it right to say we've lost
We're the only ones who've fought
They don't understand this losing battle
Yet We know no one wins
And it feels like we always lose
I don't want to lose 'me and you'
But that's whats happening
Before my very eyes
I'm losing the power of my disguise 
We're falling, again, into the abyss
There's no hope in this distress 

Can I have some room to breath
To compensate for the lack of heed
You continually pay to me
Every day is a new defeat
And no wound seems to heal
I find myself asking myself 
The same questions 
Over and over again,
Until they've lost their meaning
And the answers are disappearing
From the safest corner of my mind
There's nothing I cam find 
That can convince me to move on
That can tell me to be strong
Before you say it again, 
I'll admit I'm always wrong 
But for once, would it hurt
You so much, to smile at me
Appreciate what I've achieved
Before you condemn me 
But that's all you do to me, lately.
All you enjoy doing is suffocating me
Can I have some room to breath 

Could time be nice enough
To go by a little slower 
Lately I just feel myself 
Get lonely and colder 
I put my hope away 
Just to keep it safe
But now its misplaced
And I'm going insane 
Nothing seems to help
When I can't help myself
Pick myself up again
It's to pretend to be 
Something you know you're not
But it's even harder to be
What you always hoped you'd be
The finish line is visible 
But it's never close enough
It love to see you try so hard
Then watch you fall on your face
I won't let it see me fall
Instead I'll run the other way
Will my dreams be strong enough
To bring light into the darkest day

I fail to mouth the words
I continuously repeat in my head
I know I waste time
Trying to make this perfect 
Every time I see you
It's always the same
You take my breath away
And I forgot what I need to say
I'm lost in emotions
I was sure didn't exist
I'm lost in an overwhelming joy
That for so long, I've missed
I try not to hope in vain
I hate seeing dreams turn to pain
But that's all that seems to happen
So I like to let go what I know
That even though I hide away
I have feelings I need to show
But what can I do
When I lose my senses around you
Couldn't you stay longer
And make this love stronger 

I've broken my heart
And I like it that way
I like the feeling
Of having nothing to say
When you smile at me
When you remind me
That there's so much I could be
If I didn't have my heart locked up
Behind these emotional bars 
You can teach me
Everything life could be
If I stopped running away
If I took some time to breath
If I would finally pay heed
To the feelings I push away
Saying it's something I don't need
I've brought myself to the edge
Saying I'm better off that way
Yet I try to play safe
I've confused myself 
Because of the words in my head
And the feelings in my heart
I'd like it all to restart 

Can you include my freedom
In your narrow vision 
I compensate my life 
Just to make you smile
Yet it feels like I've died
I know it isn't easy
But can you appreciate me
Though you say you do
I know it isn't true
In all honesty, I can't blame you
No one is ever expected 
To love anyone more 
Than they love their own 
Selfish desires, in this world
Aren't we all so selfish
For different reasons 
Some avoid the pain and 
Some inflict the suffering 
But no one ventures 
Out with an open heart 
Without even considering 
How they would benefit
From another's voluntary suffering.  

Have you lost faith in everything
Because the people who loved you
Are the first to disown you
You have nothing in you
Except the memory of what you knew
Spread your broken wings
That always seem torn 
Lift your heart from the ashes 
Revive your blood and bones 
It's never over until you see 
Why you'd given up at all
But that's another story
Your broken wings need 
Something to believe 
They need to fly like they did before 
Before you gave up all hope
I know if I asked, you'd list
A hundred reasons to let go
But if you give up now
There's so much you'll never know 

Just take this noose around my neck
And tighten it, please hurry up
And I'd like some cyanide in a cup
These blades don't cut deep enough 
And the painkillers don't make me numb
I feel much less when I look into your eyes
The medication doesn't stand a chance 
How do you make me want to
Do all the things I know I'll regret
But when you smile and hypnotise me 
There's so much sense I seem to forget
Suddenly you walked away and left
You left me with a noose around me neck
You grinned and promised you'd be back 
How am I supposed to feel when I learn 
That I've based my life on your lies
Now even water seems to burn
My thoroughly exposed nerves 
Even though they've given up on me
I still hope, and I still yearn
The blood is just a simple price 
I have to pay, everyday, every year
Because I need to have you near.

Uncertainty and Glory:

Maybe nothing's as bad as it seems 
and maybe I shouldn't struggle to breath 
The truth trembles behind the lies
And I'm fooled by your disguise 
You make everything so convincing 
You make me feel like I've based my life on
Everything you wanted me to believe 
I've based it on uncertainty and glory
I know you'll smile as I close my eyes
And I'll make a forsaken wish
Between me and you, it won't come true
But we don't know what else to do
We continue to admire 
what isn't real, we're fools for 
Whatever we're told is real
I didn't want to go on anymore
But you've given me something to hold
You've told me the most believable lies
Something I can see without my eyes 

These little doses of reality
Teach me what's wrong with me
For every smile there's a tear
For every hope there's a fear
Even simple things seem complicated 
Even a laugh seems premeditated 
Even that look in your eyes
Tell me you're in disguise
Why do I have to be cynical
And why can't love be beautiful 
As opposed to how it's always seemed 
A lost hope, a broken dream 
That's no end to what hasn't started
But my soul feels departed 
A lifeless heart that feels nothing 
Even your malicious sting 
We'll never let go of what we don't own
And we'll never find a way home
Until and unless we let it all go
And cave in to emotions we refuse to show 

i really like that last one. so true

itslikelectiveamnesia wrote:i really like that last one. so true

Thank you very much