Jesse's poetry

Poem about poetry

As I begin to read the poem, I lose myself in the hedges of emotion,
Like a wild protest, causing a commotion,
In my mind, the thoughts are provoked,
They’ve stopped circulating; my brain has been choked,
So I step back, take a new perspective,
Now the thoughts are collective, they can make sense,
I’ve grasped the concept, and now I know it’s not just rambling nonsense.

I'm new to writing poems, so go easy

EDIT: I know this is really short, I might expand on it later

+1 for this

Thanks Kate

really good, can't wait for more to come!

Great work Jesse

Thanks Sonia

I extended the poem out, although I don't think it flows as well:

As I begin to read the poem, I lose myself in the hedges of emotion,
I'm trapped in a maze, with no end in sight,
I start a wild protest, causing a commotion,
I can barely see through the thin shards of light,
In my mind, the thoughts are provoked,
I'm thinking too hard, something's going to give,
The thoughts have stopped circulating; my brain has been choked,
I'm searching for it, but I still can't find their motive,
So I step back, take a new perspective,
The light becomes wider, brighter,
The thoughts are collective, everything comes together,
It was perfectly set-up, a dead ringer
I’ve grasped the concept, and now I know it’s not just rambling nonsense.

EDIT: Change some lines, better?

lol it's defo funnier. but i don't like the 'thin shards of light' used twice

much better! strong RA influence

pretty good

Thanks again Kate, and yeah, there is

Short work in progress, only 4 lines long at the moment. I'm basically trying to make it in all metaphors

I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,

Anyone have an idea of what I'm talking about?

lol no but it's so awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*cough* WAR *cough*

rrrriigggghhhttt... sorry lol. now it makes sense

Splasher wrote:
I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,

I loved it
Again, great work can't wait until it's finished

¡sonia! wrote:

Splasher wrote:
I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,

I loved it
Again, great work can't wait until it's finished

Thanks Sonia The full thing should be done by Friday (not really in the mood for writing at the moment)

Woah. They're awesome. You're great!

Thanks Abbie

i love these lines jess

Done I think:

I am the thin line, between death and glory,
The final chapter to a never-ending story,
I am the solution to everything bad, or am I the cause?
When you see what I’ve done, there will be no applause,
Many enter me, not all leave,
For those who don’t, I grieve,
But I’ll never stop, not in this state of the union,
After centuries, I’ve become the awkward stranger lurking at the reunion,
I am the voice on camera, pleading for an end,
To brutality, to immorality,
To travesty, to catastrophe,
I am the voice off camera, pleading for a stop,
To reality, to liberality,
To sanity, to humanity,
If I leave, which I won’t,
They’ll still be trembling, to the bone,
What’s that they hear?
Rapid fire or the highway, they can’t tell,
It’ll grow under their skin, like a defective cell,
When they can take no more, I still won’t stop,
I will keep going, day and night, nonstop.

Any constructive criticism?

EDIT: Random start to a poem I did, I don't really like it at the moment, so I might start over rather then editing/adding more to it;

We're all afraid, of what we might become,
We may be hopeless, but we're not plain dumb,
We can see something's happening here, it's an aroma in the air,
Something sick, disturbing, like an evil clown stumbling in a fair,

Great poem Jesse

duuuude!!!!

Yes Kate?

you are AWESOME!

Thanks Kate

Work in progress:

Dan Poria
~

Paranoia clouds my every thought, my brain’s been left out to rot,
While hypocrites surround me, I’ve been cornered by the debris
Of my securities, my memories, 
Of what I could’ve been

The haunted walls creep closer, leaving me with no closure,
I've been trapped by my own mind, no exit that I can find,
Is this the start or the end? Cuz I don't remember what I've said,
Into destruction I've been led,

~
Should I continue?

Splasher wrote:

~
Should I continue?

Please continue

¡sonia! wrote:

Splasher wrote:

~
Should I continue?

Please continue

I will Thank you

Splasher wrote:

¡sonia! wrote:

Splasher wrote:

~
Should I continue?

Please continue

I will Thank you

You're welcome